Uncategorized · Writing

FMF: One


11.19.2018

I quickly set up the arrangement above and shot it this morning after I written for today’s post.  I had to have the whiteboard in the background (Dan held it up for me) since the original kitchen background was too busy.  I then discovered the cutting board was cut off and distracting.  So, I cloned parts of the cutting board. It’s not perfect; but, I liked it better than the original.  There are flaws; but, I’m not doing anything more to the picture.  And besides, it’s good enough for this post.

divider-clipart-divider_line_medI am lacking inspiration this morning.  It’s Thanksgiving week and for the first time in my life and in our married life, we are not going to be with family or friends.  We will be together and alone.

Dan is looking forward to just us cooking and being together.  I’m on the fence.  I am not sure how I feel about not being with family over a major holiday such as Thanksgiving.  On the flip side, there is no stress or worry about what others think of me along with conversations flowing around me.   I won’t feel so helpless in a crowded kitchen.  I will actually be of help and a participant in the making of this year’s feast.

When I am with family, all I can do to help make the gravy. This changed last year.  It used to be my Mother’s gravy which was also miraculously gluten free.  The gravy was the one thing I could help with and now I had nothing. I felt useless. I observed so much last year that made me feel isolated, helpless, and alone.

The gravy was also one thing that tied everything together.  Most of us within the family would pour it over mash potatoes, turkey and even the stuffing.  Since I could no longer have stuffing1, I would look forward to having gravy.  But, that too was taken away from me.  Can you imagine the pain and sorrow of no longer being able to have gravy?

I know, it’s silly.  But, that is how I felt.

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Interesting. My writing flowed into the one-word prompt nicely.

By the way, I adjusted rather nicely after I had to go outside and have a melt-down. Dan managed to tear himself away and found me.  Even though I was deeply embarrassed to be found crying, He helped me recover.  And, it was still a delicious dinner in spite of the lack of gravy.

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Photography · Uncategorized

Framers Friday: Opposites Attract


Untitled

Consistency shot and first week with new lens (EF24-70mm f2.8L II USM].

I virtually have no knowledge of portrait photography, But, I had fun playing around.  If I had the space and lighting, I might try portraits more often. By the way, I’m fortunate to have a husband willing to join me in my madness. 

Here is an alternative that I love better; but, is not quite what I was shooting for.

Note: This challenge is week 45 of the year. To see all the submissions, including mine, go here.  Warning! There are 609 pictures in this album.  A person can only submit one picture for the week. This means over 600 people participated this week.  By the way, there are some awesome pictures in that album!

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Uncategorized · Writing

FMF: Burden

We should try our best to pour out all the burdens in our spirit by prayer until all of them have left us.
~ Watchman Nee ~
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I have no trouble laying down my burdens at the feet of my Savior.  I often cry out to him when I am in the throes of despair.  It is He who keeps me alive.  Without Him and my faith, I would not be here today writing this five-minute post.

However, It’s not easy to share my burdens with others. My fellow humans are so quick to judge or do not want/desire to understand, have no patience, etc., and etc..  Too often pat answers are given sending me further down into the depths of darkness.

I’ve learned early on in life to not express myself.  I was extremely young when I was told to “pull yourself up by the bootstraps”.  I  had to ask the person what that phrase meant.  He basically explained I was way too sensitive and needed to toughen up. I remember silently resolving to keep my thoughts to myself and cry alone.

It is not easy to share burdens with anyone because I know all too well what it’s like to be laughed at and told I could not be serious1.  It’s not easy to share frustrations only to be told they do not understand2.   All those things and much more in my young life sent me further into isolation, darkness, and despair.

These things and holding them close to heart did not end upon giving my life to Christ (1979). The thoughts that drive me into darkness, despair, and depression are fewer and further apart but they still come to me once in a blue moon. Being a Christian doesn’t mean all things are rosy and perfect. I still have difficulties in life.  But, now I have faith and can confide in Someone who understands. divider-clipart-divider_line_med

  1. for thinking of suicide
  2. what it is like to be deaf

Footnotes:
I did plan to kill myself before setting foot in high school. From the day I gave my life to Christ, I knew I could never ever commit the final act knowing how God feels about murder. (Suicide is the murder of self).

If you see me rise up speaking passionately concerning all things suicide, bullying, and youth, it’s only because I deeply understand what may drive them to commit the final desperate act.  The inner pain, despair, and feeling oh so alone drives you to want to end it all.   This could have been me if not for God and Viola Mae (my Gram).

If you see me speak of certain things repeatedly, it’s because it’s close to my heart and/or something I’m currently struggling with or working through.  I am not having an easy time sharing myself (my thoughts) with my husband who is my partner in life.  You would think after 24 years of marriage, it’d be easy. It’s not for me.

 Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
 Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.
 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.
~ Matthew 11:28-30 ~

 

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Photography · Uncategorized

Framers Friday: Macros


Water Diamonds

There are times when our property is covered with an extremely heavy dew. As the sun rises, the land will blaze with sparkling water diamonds. It’s an absolutely beautiful sight to behold. There is a very short time frame to see the dew sparkling. It’s a challenge to take pictures to demonstrate what I am seeing. It’s an even bigger challenge to take macro shots.

Note: This challenge is week 44 of the year. To see all the submissions, including mine, go here.  Warning! There are 677 pictures in this album.  A person can only submit one picture for the week. This means 677 people participated this week.  By the way, there are some awesome pictures in that album!

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Pets · Photography · Uncategorized

“Pawtrait” Rejects

These were all taken during the week of 52Frames: Portrait challenge.  I love each one of them for different reasons and they were rejected for a variety of reasons.  Enjoy.

This was a wonderful picture of Abby; but, she was too relaxed and her eyes were slightly unfocused (my bad).  It just didn’t capture the essence of her in my humble opinion as she is often full of intensity (wildness).  Don’t get me wrong, she is a sweet adorable cat when she wants to be.

By this time, Gracie had turned around, was done and vocally letting me know. She left a split second after this shot. I didn’t like the fact her tail was not showing (wrapped around the other side of her).

Surprisingly, one of her pictures did make the submission.


“I love you. Thank you for the good eats. Slurp.”

Abby does this slow blink infrequently and humans typically attach “I love you” to this behavior.  But, this is not what it truly means.  It’s a behavior among cats to express unthreatening behavior.  In other words, they are not threatening the other cat. When Abby does this with me, she is expressing her trust in me and she is feeling relaxed and happy. However, this look was not what I was shooting for.

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Uncategorized · Writing

FMF: Repeat

Most of life is routine – dull and grubby, but routine is the momentum that keeps a man going. If you wait for inspiration you’ll be standing on the corner after the parade is a mile down the street.
~ Ben Nicholas ~
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Every Monday morning seems to be the same ol’ same ol’ routine unless I am sick and then things tend to get delayed.  But, it’s the same, more or less.   And, it’s my day off.  At the very least, I do not cook dinner.

I tend to wake up, lay in bed and groan. And this is around 5:30 (now 4:30 due to the time change) in the mornings. I would often take a single Excedrin because I feel bad physically.  Often, I will try to go back to sleep and fail. I usually end up laying there for about 20 or 30 minutes hoping the pill would kick in. More often than not, I will become functional and thank God for a brand new day.

I get up, put on some long PJ pants, and when it’s cold, I exchange my short sleeve PJ shirt for a long sleeved one.  I then head down the hallway for the kitchen, fill up my up my old-timey big thermos mug with water, gather up my vitamins along with my breakfast bar.  I sit down at the kitchen table and write down in my bullet journal the things I must do, such as ‘finances’ (bills, budget, etc., and etc.), for the day.

I then head for the couch to get on the laptop.  I often eat while I write.   I always write first before getting online to do the weekly finances and then I play on social media.

Lather, Rinse and Repeat. Weekly.

Every Monday is a brand new beginning and yet, it rarely changes especially in the mornings.
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