I woke up early this morning with a headache to an anxious Abby (my cat) pawing me with a thunderstorm raging outside. She’s not been the same since Gracie passed away. She’s been very clingy. I know she most likely needs a kitty companion; but, I’m just not in the mood to get another pet at this moment. The major storm has passed. There is just a gentle rain while I write this with Abby curled up on a small cat tree beside me.
What drives me to write and take pictures?
I’ve long had the dream to do both. It was something I believed I could do as a career years ago. Even though I was discouraged from doing both, I still wrote and took pictures for myself.
When I recognized I was rapidly becoming agoraphobic due to social anxiety years ago, I took up my camera and forced myself to get out. I sought to improve my skills in both photography and writing. It became a therapeutic means to express myself.
Life became full of unknowns once again a little over a week ago.
Anxiety drove me outdoors (our land) several mornings with a camera in hand. I ended up with quite a few nice pictures of a spider, dragonfly, and some butterflies, including some Skippers. A camera in my hand makes me forget everything except getting that one shot.
On the same note, I woke up one morning with a longing to write. I would get these interesting recurring dreams. I often thought I could turn them into a novel or a book. It was the first time I felt a longing to write and not just dabble like I’ve been doing here.
So, what’s stopping me?
A lack of courage and self-confidence with the foreknowledge that there is a slim chance of being published. I know I could self-publish; but, that is not what I desire. If I were to go this route, I’d want a publisher with someone proofreading (editing) my work.
I did have a discussion with Dan about this desire to write. I have his support even if nothing comes from it other than time wasted. At least, I would have tried. And this is so much more than I received in my youth. With that said, I have no clue if something would come from this or even if I’d ever get started.
Here is what I wrote:
I figured I use this theme for a self-portrait as it is a goal of mine to do one a month. I originally used a silver Slinky but didn’t like the result. So, I switched to a black Slinky the next day. I set the camera on a tripod, focused just short of the target, & carefully taped Slinky to the lens. With that said, it’s dangerous to go at it alone. Make sure the tripod & camera is secure. Mine toppled on the third attempt to get a better image. I called it quits when this happened.
I realize the remote is exposed & the shirt is messy. But, I felt it adds to the “story”. Let me make one up on the fly: I’m interrupted from my investigative work & immediately seek to do an old-school Sci-Fi mind wipe on the spy. Ha!
at Garner State Park. June 7, 2021
I am a couple of days late with this posting. I mentioned in the prior post receiving some news that had me discombobulated. Better late than never, correct?
Here is what I wrote:
My husband makes these for toy photography. This model is one of the latest he has completed; so, it is not beat up & the box is in good condition. He has yet to “weatherize” it. So, what you see is what you get. I used a glue stick to make the top of the box stay flat. I had taken dozens of images using a tripod only to realize Boba Fett was dusty. It was too much work to take care of via PS; so, I dusted him off & retook images. I then cleaned up marks & a few cracks on the box via PS to make it look new.
I intentionally staged the toy to look as if he wants to punch Boba Fett pictured on the box. Yes, I have a weird sarcastic sense of humor. This was my way of having fun with a theme I’m not keen on doing.
We recently received word of some news that will be long-lasting. Fear and worry wanted to consume me; but, I refused to let them abide within me. I repeatedly placed the situation in God’s hands. I know He holds the future.
The word “balance” ricocheted in my brain. I forced myself not to go off in the deep end. I resolved to keep on with my routines, writing, and photography. I became proactive about any possibility in the future. I put a halt to unnecessary spending. Again, “balance” ricocheted in my brain.
Fear shouldn’t rule my life and our decisions. I am thankful we have time to make preparations in all ways. I am living in Hope. It’s going to be okay.
I was going through some tough times mentally when I shot the above image1. I had shot several scenarios using the stairs. All of the takes failed due to the lighting being gradient and inconsistent. I decided to pause for a few minutes. I had just come across the idea of therapeutic photography that appealed to me. So, I began to think of how I can express myself through photography using the stairs. The above picture is the result. It is the first image that is meaningful to me. It also apparently resonated with many considering it made it into the 52 Picks album for the theme.
I must admit I was terrified when I submitted the image. It was intensely personal. Sharing it with the world subjected me to criticism I did not want or need2. However, it felt freeing. As a result, I would occasionally try to express myself through photography2 whenever I felt the need.
Fast forward to now, I’ve reached a point where I am no longer terrified to share the results of my photography or written words. I still do get nervous or worried; but, I no longer let that get in the way of my creativity or personal growth. I also no longer let responses (criticisms or comments) bother me. There are moments when they rub me the wrong way3. I try to remain calm during those incidences and give people a chance to explain themselves. After all, not everyone can express themselves well.
I feel I’ve become brave during this personal journey of mine.
- Week 23, 2019
- The same goes for my writing or anything else I may pursue.
- e.g. recently: “You need a new camera” with a laughing emoticon.
This person never responded to my simple question of “why?” As a result, I do not have much respect for their thoughts/opinions. The fact an image I took soon after this incident made it into the 52Picks album validated me and my efforts.
He answered, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’
~Luke 10:27 ~
This was stuck in draft. I thought I had it scheduled to be posted first weekend of July. Nope. Better late than never, correct?
Foreword: I came across this idea when I read a Five Minute Friday’s neighbor post (via link party) which was inspired by another link party at Heather Gerwing: Living the Full Life! This is done at the end of every month. I decided to give this a try (without participating in the link parties).
NOTE: I’ve added a section to share links that stood out for me.
NOTE 2: Two months (May and June) this time as I went camping end of May for two weeks
- Camping at Garner State Park. Little did I know that it would be our last one with Gracie. It was a good relaxing trip and I think we are wanting to go somewhere again soon.
Something Read (or Said)
I cannot show you my God — not because there is no God to show you, but because you have no eyes to see Him”. ~Augustine ~
~ Start thinking like a forgiven person
~ Start acting like a forgiven person
~ Start talking like a forgiven person
~Satan will accuse you of sin that God has already forgiven
- Hiking Old Baldy at Garner State Park. This was a goal of mine since January 2020 to climb Old Baldy. I came down with a weird muscular ailment early the same year which set me back quite a few months. I’ve never recovered 100%; but, I was determined to reach my goal. It was the toughest thing I’ve ever done; but, I was triumphant!
- Life without Gracie.
- For the life of me, I cannot think of anything at this moment…
- Digital Photography School: Lens Hoods: What Are They Really For, And Do You Need Them?
- I use them to prevent mist/rain from getting on the lens (glass) and prevent glare from harsh sunlight.
- Regie Hamm Blog: Voices in the Wilderness
- I’m sharing as I found this to be thought provoking. If you have any disagreement or debate, take it up with the author, not me.
Here is what I wrote:
I had no desire to get out & about due to crappy weather. I was outside Thursday afternoon in the gentle rain when I noticed a “river” across the driveway going from the back yard to the front. I liked the lighting, raindrops, etc. & an idea was born. I grabbed Dan to take shots in the rain. On Friday morning, I cut grass & removed debris in the foreground area in hopes of another shower/storm. I put a DIY rain cover & a KUVRD lens hood on the camera & waited. (The “river” appears when it rains decently.) I’m so glad I did the initial work since this is better than the first. Thanks to Dan for being willing. He stopped working when he heard the rain to inform & help me out. (I am deaf & was engrossed in another project).
Title by Dan & based on a song in the late ’60s.
Note: This picture made it into the 52 Picks album.