Uncategorized · Writing

Expectation (Five Minute Friday)

Shot in 2018

I pray that no one in my family reads this blog. But, if they do, please know that this is my truth according to my perspective. The truth often hurts.

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When I was a young child, I had all the expectations of the usual Christmas gifts under the tree and dinnertime with family. Those times were joyous. When I became an adult, I thoroughly enjoyed shopping for gifts.

Then came the time the younger adults, including the children, wanted gift cards. The exchange of gift cards, more often than not, was equal. In other words, $50 for $50. We might as well keep the cash and spend it on ourselves. When this happened, I wanted the gift exchange to end as it no longer made sense. However, I still enjoyed seeing everyone and gathering together for good eats.

I grieved long before my father passed this gathering together would end. I knew nothing would be the same when both of my parents were gone. I suspected no one would intentionally invite me to their holiday gatherings. After all, I felt invisible and the outsider.

So, I drank it all in those moments while we still did these things over the holidays.

But, I must say I was shocked that this ended when Dad passed. After all, Mother was still alive. I fully expected the gatherings over the holidays would continue. I felt hurt when it did not.

However, that’s not the worst. Mother’s heart broke. She lashed out in anger but had tears in her eyes. Can you imagine what kind of thoughts she had going through her mind? I can. She most likely felt deeply hurt and unloved.

I suspect this is one of the reasons Mother fell so hard soon after. She no longer cared to live. It wasn’t just the physical fall. It was her health (physical and mental) that declined.

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I think this is why I love Doctor Who’s Last Christmas episode.  No one knows if this will be the Last Christmas together.  Enjoy them while you can.

“Because every Christmas is Last Christmas.”

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