Uncategorized · Writing

Question {Five Minute Friday}

(A selfie I took in 2011 for a challenge)

I broke the rules of just five minutes of writing with this one.  I felt the need to just free write and not pay attention to this rule.  I’m sure I’m not the only one who does this.  I did go back and insert parentheses to help clear up to my writing to readers.  Also, this is personal and random (not perfect) — it does not contain everything and may not make sense (to you).

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As a believer, I sometimes go through periods of questioning.  I think it’s okay to have doubts.  I think it’s okay to question what others say.  I also think it’s okay to not accept things (said) as fact and do my own research.

There are those who claim science says there is no God.  I disagree.  Science cannot prove there is a God.  But, it’s all schematics to atheists.  It’s just a theory; but, it’s considered as fact.

I honestly think that there is more behind their unbelief than just science.  They don’t want to believe a God exists because they want to do their own thing. They don’t want to believe a God exists because it’s a threat to their lifestyle.  They want to be their own God.

I’m not going to lie, I haven’t been living for God like I should have throughout the years.  But, my faith is strong.  I’ve been slowly finding my way back home for the last few years.

I don’t argue (or debate) with any of them (atheists).   I’m not going to waste my time.  They’re not going to change their minds. They only want to argue or even bully/mock my beliefs.  So, why try?  It’s the same with me.  They’re not going to get me to change my mind.  So, why try?

If there is no God, why isn’t the world (nature) more chaotic?  There’s is an order in the universe that defies explanation.

If there is no God, I would have been dead by my own hand years ago.

If there is no God, why I have seen answered prayers? Granted, these are rare simply due to the fact I do not often have specific detailed requests.  Also, answered prayers often go unrecognized simply because requests tend to be tiny and/or we’re too busy in our lives to stop to recognize them (answered prayers).

An answered prayer occurred recently that only reinforces that my God exists and cares personally about me.  It is beyond amazing (to me).

(A little background:)

We had planned two camping trips.  One was canceled due to flooding and the other was due to a variety of reasons including Dan’s work.

I was devastated with the cancelation of the first because we were to meet up with a brother and sister-in-law of mine.  I was wanting to see them. I was deeply bothered and upset with the cancelation; but, there was nothing we could do.  I came to accept this happened.

But, I prayed that we’d get together somehow sometime soon and not over the holidays.  (Holidays are too busy for true visiting.)

I also prayed that we (Dan and I) get a chance to go camping before summer was over as I was wanting, no needing, to get away.  It had to be summer-time because I love to be in a body of water.  I had planned to take a float along with some snacks and just be lazy in the water reading a book. Anyway…

This the answer to my prayer(s) as short and succinctly as possible:

Firstly, letters in the form of emails were started up by my sister-in-law’s own hand. And, we’ve been exchanging them ever since. This alone is nothing.  But, it’s been a good thing for me/us.

Secondly, Dan managed to get a site at Garner for camping.  I didn’t even seek out or try to find a site.  I just did not think we could find one anywhere during the summer.  I did have an inclination to try later this summer for a site at Guadalupe River when kids are back in school.  But, Dan found a site for late July all on his own. The fact he did this and the fact a site was available surprised me immensely.

Thirdly,  my sister-in-law informed me in a letter (via email) they are going camping at Garner.  Her sister-in-law’s family is going and they had an extra site.  My brother and sister-in-law jumped on this chance.

Fourthly and most importantly, they’re going the exact same dates we are going! I was floored.  What are the odds of this happening?  Neither one of us knew what the other was doing until everything was set in stone.

And, if all things work out, it should be a good time.

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Uncategorized · Writing

Goal {Five Minute Friday}


June 15, 2019
Shot during 52Frames’ Fast Shutter Theme Week
(The goal here is to get the plane to fly correctly and not crash.  Ha!)

divider-clipart-divider_line_medI’ve started writing with honesty for my mental health.  I’ve picked up the camera again as a means to get me up, dressed, and out of the house.  At first, both were difficult endeavors; but, with time, both became easier to do.  I still struggle to just get started; but, once I do, it’s somewhat easy.

For the first time in a long time, I’m feeling the desire to sew.  I’m not quite trusting this feeling as it’s been a long time since I felt a desire to do something.

My room is a disaster due to the fact I made a mess for several photography challenges. I have a goal to fix up that space.  Time and patience (with myself) along with an itemized plan is the key.  I don’t want to rush and find myself back into the pit I was in five, three or even a year ago.

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A note to my readers: there may be a Monday in the future I do not write.  We managed to pick up a site at our favorite place to go camping in late July.  The wi-fi connection at this place is iffy. We’ve already had two camping plans get canceled on us this year of which one was due to flooding.  So, I’m praying that this trip will become a reality for us.

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Uncategorized · Writing

Well {Five Minute Friday}


This is the quilt label on the backing of the first quilt I’ve made.

I was trying to come up with a unique signature.  It’s my initials with a backward L.  It didn’t quite come out like I planned; but, I used it anyway.

Note: I didn’t feel like finding my first quilt and taking new pictures.  So, I dug up this picture (and the one below) from my archives after writing today’s post.  Both were shot in June 2011. I photoshopped both today for this post. (Cropped and adjusted the white balance since they were shot indoors).

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I made a small quilt using a kit not long after I first got married.   I didn’t quite understand the instructions.  Instead of a single strand of yarn, I used two strands to tie the quilt.  When I realized my mistake, I decided to buy more yarn. I matched the color as best as I could. I didn’t want to undo all my hard work.  After all, it was just a practice quilt to see if I could make one.

In spite of the mistake, I liked the look of the quilt.  I was quite thrilled with my completed project.  I took the little quilt home to show it off to my mother.  As usual, she wasn’t all that expressive.   I truly did not know what she thought of it.  I felt a little deflated.

My sister-in-law came over later to visit.  I was working in another room when my sister-in-law rushed into the room and asked me to show her what I made.  I asked her how she knew as I hadn’t planned on telling her about the quilt or showing it off to her.  My mother had told her.  She practically begged to see the quilt I made. So, I reluctantly showed her.

She was expressive and enthusiastic while she examined the small quilt.  She bolstered my confidence.  My mother then comes along indicated that she couldn’t believe I made the little quilt.  I felt deeply hurt by her words.

I remember my sister-in-law looking at me with disbelief. She then asked my mother to expound on what she said.  Mother basically said she didn’t believe I had the capability or skills to complete a project like my little quilt.    My sister-in-law looked me directly in the eye and said “don’t you listen to her.  It’s made well.”

Fortunately, the desire to make a quilt for the bedroom kept me going in spite of my mother’s disbelief and doubts.  I’ve since made a few quilts, including one for my dad and another for my mother, and not a single one of them was for our bed.

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I am not sure where I was going with today’s writing except a mother’s words, actions and attitude can weigh heavily upon a daughter in spite of what other people may say.   I struggle with a lack of confidence and self-esteem because of her.  Don’t get me wrong, I loved my mother very much.  She showed all of us kids her love as best as she could. She sacrificed her time and so much more for me in my early years in order for me to learn how to speak and lip-read.  But still,… the feeling that I’m dumb, incapable, etc., and etc. lingers and it beats me down while I’m attempting to do this or that…

My sister-in-law’s visit was providential that day.  Because of her and her words of encouragement, I defied my mother’s predictions.  I know I can complete and do projects well even if it may take me forever to finish them due to the constant struggle against both the negativity of my mother in my mind and the perfectionistic streak within me.


My first quilt

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Uncategorized · Writing

Name {Five Minute Friday}

What’s in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet;

~ Romeo and Juliet, Act II, Scene II ~

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Before any of my siblings were born, a girl was to be named Stephanie. My folks had three sons and my folks expected me to be another boy.  My mother gave my dad naming rights to me because I was the last.  Dad named me Lee Ann after Lee Ann Meriwether.

Humans have been giving names to animals, other humans, and objects since the beginning of time.  It doesn’t matter what the names are, their nature will always be what it is as long as circumstances do not change.

I will be who I am no matter what my name is since all other things remained static. My folks are who they are. They raised us to the best of their abilities. I’m the youngest of three and the only girl.  Etc., and etc.

With that said, I do wonder who I would have been if my mother hadn’t contracted Rubella while pregnant with me which caused my deafness.  Would I have been a different person if I had my hearing?

Would I have been more outgoing and outspoken?
Would I have had been a part of a group/friends growing up?
Would I have been bullied?
Would my goals, dreams, and aspirations have been different?
Would…

Who knows? My life, circumstances, etc., and etc. is what it is.  It all comes down to life’s situations.

The point is, whether my name is Stephanie or Lee Ann, I am who I am today because all other events remain static.  The name does not matter.

With that said, I am glad my name is Lee Ann instead of Stephanie.
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Uncategorized · Writing

Culture {Five Minute Friday}


Please remember that 1) this is a rapid form of a writing exercise and 2) this is my little corner of freedom to express myself and write.  I mean no harm or hurt to others.
divider-clipart-divider_line_medI used to live in an isolated bubble until computers and more importantly, the internet, came along.  I remember when I discovered mIRC was in existence and my world opened up.  I found a group of quilters to connect and chat with.  It was loads of fun.

I’ve since moved on and became involved with a forum based site and then, much later, upon receiving an invite from a family member, facebook.  But, I will never forget the nice ladies from those mIRC days who accepted and taught this naive and deaf girl.

There is a culture when it comes to chatting, the forums and the internet.  I learned the unspoken rules and protocols from those ladies.  With that said, it was shocking to discover that some folks threw it all out of the window.

There was a situation that occurred with a woman who had MS over 20 years ago. This all went down in a Christian chat forum.  There were wolves in sheep’s clothing and their true nature did not shine until this incident with her occurred.  Some of them actually encouraged her to kill herself when she threatened to do so.  She must have hit the end of her rope because she committed suicide that night.

If I’m not mistaken, it was a close friend of hers that informed the group the next morning.  And, her husband, who was not involved in social media, came on a few days later seeking answers.

Social media is an excuse to let out the worst behaviors of mankind.  It allows them to hide behind the computer screen. I’m no longer the naive lady with hopes of connecting with others.

However, there are positive sides to the platform.  I don’t think I would have met a few new friends through facebook including a high school classmate reaching out to me. I’m ever so thankful she did.  We are still in touch even though she is no longer part of facebook.

52Frames is another positive aspect of facebook.  The few precious friends I keep in touch with is another.  I’ve also become involved with a group or two that is very respectful of others who are behind the computer screen.

divider-clipart-divider_line_medI’ve long believed words, including written, have power and we must be careful (thoughtful) with our words.  It makes me sad to see some not taking the time (to write) causing disagreements, anger, hurt and divisiveness among others.
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Uncategorized · Writing

Practice {Five Minute Friday}


Snapped June 1, 2018, at Garner State Park

I have a lot on my mind this morning and I’m struggling with a headache.  I’m gearing up to go camping.  We’ve already started packing; but, there is still so much to do. I’m antsy to get going. I need to go to the grocery store and get some items to pre-cook to take along with us for dinners.  But first, I desire to get this done.

divider-clipart-divider_line_medWhen I think of practice, I think of habits.  For example, this writing on Mondays is a habit which I pursue in hopes of improving my skills along with sharing my thoughts with others.  It’s also a journey of a sort for me.  As a result, this is important to me.

I am not sure this weekly writing endeavor will stick with me while we are camping.  I hope so because if I should skip just one time, I will have difficulty returning.  It’s kind of “all or nothing” for me.

You have to continually practice to become good at something.

This is also my hope with photography. It doesn’t matter if the talent is present. Even those with talent must work at what they do. It’s not going to jump in my lap just because I think I might have a smidgen of talent.

I need to be extremely familiar with my camera which is also a tool. I need to be knowledgeable about the exposure triangle and the rules within photography which I still struggle with some days. Picking up the camera (practice) will make this all become second nature. At least, that is my hope.

With all that said and done, a good portion of photography is all about luck (timing)  especially when it comes to people, nature, and animals including wildlife.  I’m hoping that constantly picking up the camera will help me in the long run.  When the right moment falls in my lap, I’ll be able to take that once in a lifetime picture.  And, it won’t end with just one. At least, that is my goal.

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I am hoping to snap some nice pictures while camping and the weather cooperates.  I am hoping I show a marked improvement over last year.  We shall see.  In the meantime, I pray that you all will have a wonderful week.

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Uncategorized · Writing

Opportunity {Five Minute Friday}

 
Bleeding Hearts (a Zox Strap/Wristband)

I rarely share my writings that are extremely personal due to the fear certain people are reading my written words. As of May 1st, Due to the actions and reactions of three people, I no longer care.  To be honest, I highly doubt any of them view this little blog of mine.

You will have to forgive my poor writing as I’m not in the greatest frame of mind to write.
divider-clipart-divider_line_medUnbeknownst to many, I’ve been struggling with depression and more for quite a few months.  A seemingly huge mistake I made last week changed my perspective.

I’ve been treated disrespectfully by the Clueless One for years and a spur-of-the-moment message from this person sent me over the edge.  The non-actions of two others sent me down into the depths of despair.  I haven’t felt this way since before I gave my life to Christ — when I planned to end my life.

I desperately wanted to disappear without nary a word to a single soul.   I was extremely close to withdrawing money, grabbing my Abby, and taking off for the ends of the earth.  If I hadn’t spoken up to my husband out of desperation, who knows what may have happened.

I’ve tried so hard for too long due to belief in the lies I’ve been told. (“Family is everything”).  My huge mistake cleared the lens of my eyes. And, 
I’ve had enough.

This gave me an opportunity to cut ties to certain people.   I wish I had done this a long time ago.  But, I had love. I had hope. I had belief and trust (in the lies). I can’t change the past; but, I can make my future be without the crap.
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  1. The above was written on May 3rd and edited slightly today (May 6th).
  2. I’ve since received a message from one; but, I still do not know what to think.  I only know that I remain resolved to stay disconnected for a time if not forever.
  3. Even though this is a part of Five Minute Friday weekly word prompt, I’m not linking up.  However, I’m still adding the graphic and link (click on image) to their link party below my signature image.Leeann_EthnicFlava_jenntags12-vi
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