One of my favorite shots from last year (2018)
Included this picture “just because”
There is a photo walk that is coming up this Friday in a nearby city. I really would love to join; but, the anxiety at the thought of joining a small group of people is extreme within me. I do not have confidence in my skills as a “photographer”. Who am I kidding? I feel like a pretender among professionals.
I also get anxious about the thought of taking pictures with others. I don’t know what I’m doing half the time. I don’t know if I will be able to function (think) and take decent pictures. Due to this fact, I really don’t want to share my pictures with the group.
Don’t get me wrong. I’ve grown by leaps and bounds; but, to me, it’s not enough. It’s that perfectionist within me working against me. I also worry about what others may think of me. Crazy, huh?
I confess that week after week of submitting a picture undermines me. The last challenge (“your desk”) did a number upon me. There are so many amateurs among the quite a few professionals. If only they didn’t have a 52 committee picks which a group of people picks 52 pictures out of all the submissions (currently over 1100), then it wouldn’t feel like a competition.
Week after week, I question why I am even pursuing this endeavor. I have to remind myself why I started in the first place. The primary goal was to get me out and about while doing something I enjoy. I’ve started feeling more comfortable getting out and about and I need to continue this effort.
Due to my social anxiety, deafness, and lack of confidence, I don’t know if I’ll even have a tiny amount of courage to join the small group of people on the photo walk. I think I may be a true loner. In other words, I would rather be by myself than with others. After all, I don’t stress when I’m alone (or with my husband).
In spite of the lack of true constructive criticism from 52Frames, I’m still learning. As long as I enjoy the process of shooting pictures and continue learning from my endeavors, I refuse to quit.