Uncategorized · Writing

Confident {Five Minute Friday}

One of my favorite shots from last year (2018)
Included this picture “just because”

divider-clipart-divider_line_med

There is a photo walk that is coming up this Friday in a nearby city.   I really would love to join; but, the anxiety at the thought of joining a small group of people is extreme within me.  I do not have confidence in my skills as a “photographer”.   Who am I kidding?  I feel like a pretender among professionals.

I also get anxious about the thought of taking pictures with others.   I don’t know what I’m doing half the time. I don’t know if I will be able to function (think) and take decent pictures.  Due to this fact, I really don’t want to share my pictures with the group.

Don’t get me wrong. I’ve grown by leaps and bounds; but, to me, it’s not enough.  It’s that perfectionist within me working against me.  I also worry about what others may think of me.  Crazy, huh?

I confess that week after week of submitting a picture undermines me.  The last challenge (“your desk”) did a number upon me.   There are so many amateurs among the quite a few professionals.   If only they didn’t have a 52 committee picks which a group of people picks 52 pictures out of all the submissions (currently over 1100), then it wouldn’t feel like a competition.

Week after week, I question why I am even pursuing this endeavor.  I have to remind myself why I started in the first place. The primary goal was to get me out and about while doing something I enjoy.  I’ve started feeling more comfortable getting out and about and I need to continue this effort.

Due to my social anxiety, deafness, and lack of confidence, I don’t know if I’ll even have a tiny amount of courage to join the small group of people on the photo walk.  I think I may be a true loner.  In other words, I would rather be by myself than with others.   After all, I don’t stress when I’m alone (or with my husband).

divider-clipart-divider_line_med

In spite of the lack of true constructive criticism from 52Frames, I’m still learning.  As long as I enjoy the process of shooting pictures and continue learning from my endeavors, I refuse to quit.

Leeann_EthnicFlava_jenntags12-vi

five-minute-friday-7_small

Advertisements
Uncategorized · Writing

Build {Five Minute Friday}


{A selfie shot this morning with my Android phone}

I am not in the right frame of mind to be doing this weekly writing challenge. I started and destroyed what I’ve written several times this morning.  It doesn’t help that I have a “kneady” cat distracting me. I am posting this for continuity and consistency.

divider-clipart-divider_line_medI am standing on a tiny little ledge with nothing stable around me.  I’m battling multiple things at once. The world is going mad.  Or, am I the one going crazy?

Anyone who knows me knows I can be mental.  I am extremely passionate and sensitive which can be my downfall.

Everything…
is…
crap.

The only thing keeping me here is my faith.

I should start from ground zero and ignore all else in the world.   However, This would be akin to burying my head in the sand keeping me intentionally blind and deaf.

I do not desire to return to my pre-internet and -closed captioning days.  In those days. I was intentionally and unintentionally left in the dark by those around me.

At the same time, I need to be able to protect myself.  I need to draw a line in the sand.  I need to do something.  I just don’t know how.divider-clipart-divider_line_med

♪♫ On Christ the solid rock I stand
All other ground is sinking sand ♫♪

Leeann_EthnicFlava_jenntags12-vi

five-minute-friday-7_small

Uncategorized · Writing

Where {Five Minute Friday}

{Shot by Dan years ago}

divider-clipart-divider_line_med

I’ve been asking myself a lot of questions these days.  I’m keeping myself busy. But, is it enough?

What the heck am I doing?

Where am I going?

What is my purpose (in life)?

I’m thankful I did not have a job when I was frequently sick. I did not need the worry and stress of a career on top of my health.

I’m thankful I have an extremely supportive husband.   He constantly tells me that I do not need to worry about getting a job, a career, or even bringing in a little income. But, I do not think he truly understands my mindset.

It’s not just about money.  It’s also about purpose.  It’s about feeling like I’ve accomplished something meaningful, helped (served) others, etc., and etc.

I currently feel like a failure as a wife and homemaker.  This house is still not complete.  I haven’t done much in the way of crafts. I am so darn slow and my mind frequently gets in the way.  I’m not the wife my husband needs me to be.  I am not bringing in any source of income (yet).

It doesn’t matter what I do, I feel like I do not have a true purpose.

What in the world am I suppose to be doing?

Why am I letting fear rule (ruin) my life?

I’m doing my best to go beyond what I did (or accomplished) last year, to add to what I’ve been pursuing.  So far, I feel like I am not succeeding.   This is understandable considering recent circumstances.1 But still, I feel like it’s not enough.

Why was I born?

Why am I here on earth?

I ask these questions and more (to God) often. I’ve yet to receive clear answers.

I feel like I’m just floundering and hoping to land on solid ground.

divider-clipart-divider_line_medThere are three ingredients to the good life – learning, earning and yearning.
~ Christopher Morley

  1. My husband broke his collarbone on January 12.FYI: He’s doing well. He drove himself to work this morning.  He’s been doing some modified physical therapy.  He’s still hurting; but, he has enough range of movement.  I just pray that nothing disastrously happens that would cause him to move that arm suddenly.

Leeann_EthnicFlava_jenntags12-vi

five-minute-friday-7_small

Uncategorized · Writing

Convenient {Five Minute Friday}


A tiny portion of our land on March 27, 2018

My writing went in a totally different direction than I intended.  My fingers were flying across the keyboard. I almost scrapped this bit of writing with the intention of starting over due to my fear of causing offense.  However, I have learned to relax whenever this is happening.  If I accidentally offend people, this was not my intention. All I ask is please remember that five minutes (or a tad more) is not enough to get the entire picture of my thoughts.

divider-clipart-divider_line_med

TV dinners, trains, fast food, telephones, planes, internet, pesticides, etc., and etc., have risen up over the years making our lives easier and more convenient.   We have embraced these things with full-on passion without question trusting in the “experts” and our governmental agents.  Was this a mistake?

For the most part, and for many people, there were no negative effects.  However, I cannot help but worry about the negative effects on a few within society and the environment.

For example, what is killing off the butterflies (e.g. Monarchs) and all kinds of species of bees?  What is causing such a negative effect upon these tiny creatures?  And, why does it seem the vast majority of people do not care about their world?

If there was even a hint that the use of pesticides was a cause of the ecological illness, I’d stop using them immediately, which I have done.  Granted, there are other factors, such as the Varroa mite, which are helping the decimation of these tiny creatures.  However, the use of pesticides is certainly not helping.

I remember millions of bees suddenly died off at a business nearby where we once lived.  What was discovered to be the cause? A pesticide company sprayed the trees a few days before. The bees were collecting pollen from the flowers that burst forth.

The need to keep a manicured lawn/landscape and make the work easier overrides the need to keep the ecosystem healthy.  I once lived in an HOA community that once required beautiful green lawns and landscape.  This meant wasting water to keep the yard in pristine conditions. At the time, we were in the middle of a devastating drought.  Did this matter?

People went around the city’s watering restrictions by sitting in a chair and watering the grass via a hose.  I always felt this was amusing.  They would rather have a pristine green lawn as opposed to conserving water.  In one community, people rose up and sued their HOA because they were getting fines for having brown spots on their lawns.  It’s damned if you do (water)1 and damned if you don’t (water).  I honestly believe it’s due to the outcome of the lawsuit (the people won), the HOA of the community I lived in and most homeowners relaxed.

I am only one individual among millions and the fight against giants with bottomless income seems impossible.  The only thing I can do is console myself with the thought that, at least, I am doing my part through conservation (water), recycling, and severely limiting pesticides.  I’ve even gone native letting the land go.

I am ever thankful that we do not live in a restrictive community.  It’s gorgeous in the springtime due to the abundant wildflowers on our land. The negative side is the sticker burrs.  I’ve yet to figure out how to eliminate or minimize them.

divider-clipart-divider_line_med
Leeann_EthnicFlava_jenntags12-vi

five-minute-friday-7_small

  1. It’s more costly to use water in times of drought.
Uncategorized · Writing

Influence {Five Minute Friday}

I usually take the time to write first thing Monday morning. However, I will be taking my husband to work tomorrow.  He has an important meeting to attend.  I think he is going stir crazy even though he is working from home.  He wants to go somewhere even if it’s to the office.   So, I am writing this early Sunday evening and scheduling this to be posted Monday morning.

divider-clipart-divider_line_med

I recently had a nightmare.  Dreams can be mighty strange.  Well, this one caused me to do something just in case something similar happens.  I’m sure many would think allowing a nightmare to influence what I do is crazy.  But, I would rather be safe than sorry.

Speaking of dreams, I wonder how much our heart’s desire influences our decisions and the paths we decide to take in life?

I know that the combination of my fears and respect for certain people now gone from this earth swayed me to abandon the desires of my heart.  I constantly wonder if it is silly or too late to pursue them?  After all, I’m not exactly young anymore.

I do know that I am content with a camera in hand or typing out my thoughts.  My soul calms down and I obtain peace.  So, I play with words or take snapshots of memories. Frequently.

divider-clipart-divider_line_med

Leeann_EthnicFlava_jenntags12-vi

five-minute-friday-7_small

Uncategorized · Writing

Better {Five Minute Friday}

I haven’t had much time to ponder upon the Five Minute Friday’s word prompt over this past weekend.  So much has happened in the past couple of days which consumed my thoughts.  And, I woke up later than usual this morning which is why this post is later than usual.

The big and little things can cause me to veer off course for days.  But, I am determined to stay on track.  It’s better a little late than never and shoddy over perfect.  I’ve learned this lesson of consistency via 52Frames.

As always, links and graphics are added after writing. Enjoy.

divider-clipart-divider_line_med

I’m hoping things would be better in the year 2019.  It’s already off to a rough start.  I’m thankful for stumbling across the Bullet Journal system as it set me on a course to a healthier me.

My bullet journal is an adaptation of this system and it’s currently working for me.  However, I am seeking to become more productive which is why I’m reading Ryder Carroll’s book.  I’ve already read quite a few pages and have set forth to improve my current system.  I’m consciously using keywords and adding sublists.  I can already see the difference.

In spite of the mishap1 which occurred this past Saturday afternoon and spending time in the Emergency clinic and in spite of receiving news that the adoption of Annie Oakley2 (a 2-year old Maine Coon) fell through, my world is not falling apart.

We received word about Annie the day AFTER Dan’s terrible, and yet humorous, fall which is a story for another day. So, this bit of news may have been a good thing. It would have been rough traveling up to Austin January 21st to pick up Annie Oakley.   The consolation is we will still be getting a Maine Coon at an unknown time in the future.  The exception is it will be a young kitten instead of a young cat.

And surprisingly, I’m okay with that.

divider-clipart-divider_line_med

Leeann_EthnicFlava_jenntags12-vifive-minute-friday-7_small

  1. Annie Oakley surprised her owners by becoming pregnant.  They thought she was sterile. It’s a good thing they discovered this or otherwise, we would have been surprised with a litter of kittens sometime February.
  2. Dan broke his collarbone

Uncategorized · Writing

2018 in Three Words

Five Minute Friday is on break.  So, I decided to go with a link a commenter sent me.  It is the December’s BoHo Berry challenge.  I chose the prompts that are easiest or resonates within me considering I’m on vacation and camping.  I went with “2018 in Three Words” today and decided to write as many three words I can.

Thank you for helping me out commenter!  You know who you are.

divider-clipart-divider_line_medResilience and Recovery.

Consistency is key.
I joined 52Frames.
Almost 25 years!
First time published! (photography)
Write 31 Days.
Still missing Sadie.

A Good Year.
divider-clipart-divider_line_med
Leeann_EthnicFlava_jenntags12-vi